There’s so many unread newsletters sitting in my inbox, I can actually smell them.
I don’t want to “sign up for exclusive content” for exclusive ways to waste my time.
“URGENT: Your inbox hasn’t been cluttered in 24 hours!”
“RE: RE: RE: RE: Still trying to reach you about nothing important”
“[IMPORTANT] This email isn’t important”
It’s like marketers discovered the “spray and pray” method and thought:
“yEs! tHiS iS tHe fUtUre oF cOmMuNiCaTiOn!”
And the self-aggrandising newsletter writers. God, they are the worst.
The way they describes their elaborate processes for the writing the same old shit as everyone else is tedious.
You’d think they are The Alexander the Great of newsletters with how they go on about themselves, when in reality they are more like Alexander the Meh.
And the worst part?
Sometimes, buried deep in this digital drivel, there’s actually something useful.
But it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, if the haystack was on fire…
…and the needle was emailing you about limited-time offers and masterminds and communities and courses and the same articles every other newsletter is sharing and software that just happens to have an affiliate program…
…and the haystack keeps multiplying every time you mark something as spam…
…and all the pieces of hay are actually disguised MLM pitches…
…and there’s a guy standing next to the haystack insisting he can teach you the “secrets of haystack searching” for just three easy payments…
…and somehow the needle has your first name in its database but still manages to spell it wrong…
…and every other piece of hay is a “thought leader” who’s discovered the “one weird trick” to finding needles that the government doesn’t want you to know about…
…and the whole thing is wrapped in a “free” 47-page PDF that’s really just a sales funnel for an even bigger, more expensive haystack.