Humble guru, marketing visionary, overlord of online business, tech-first philosopher, 10x knobhead…
These are just some of the words I used to describe myself.
Thanks to me and my team of me (go me!), I have been gracious enough to put together this page to show you:
💰 How I create quality content so good it should be illegal (+ why my keyboard is now classified as a weapon)
💰 How to build REAL trust by providing unbiased and extreme value every single day
💰 How to consistently generate exactly $107K per month without working more than 37 mins each day (completely solo!)
…whilst staying super humble.
Best SEO guru in the world 🌎
When I’m not generating $200K per week from my fully automated SEO agency that I run from my solid gold speedboat, I am providing value as the best SEO guru in the world .
(Want proof? See artists interpretation of me on my solid gold speedboat. Haters will say it’s fake.)
I do this because I am the best SEO guru in the world and really really humble about it.
Want me to provide so much valuable value for you that you will value that value’s valuableness so valuably that you’ll valuate your valuable valuation with unvaluable value-add validity?
You should value my value. My clients all tell their friends, family and former lovers that it was provided by the best SEO guru in the world?
How I provide SEO value (in a valuable way):
1. Do keyword research to research keywords
🔑 I can find upwards of 17 keywords to target (some will even be relevant for your site).
🔑 I use tools that are only used by every single other marketer.
🔑 I don’t want to show off, but sometimes I can rank for keywords based on this research.
2. Create quality content by creating quality content
📚 I can write up to 3 whole paragraphs of content (that is completely plagiarised).
📚 My secret technique involves using a thesaurus to replace every third word.
📚 Google doesn’t index my content because it is such high quality.
3. Build backlinks by building some backlinks
🔗 I can secure up to 5 backlinks for every 107,000 outreach emails sent.
🔗 My advanced strategy involves begging for links and screaming into the void.
🔗 Once got a backlink from my distant cousin’s dog-walking blog that has 3 monthly visitors.
Please note: none of these images are AI generated. I painted all of these in watercolours using the tears (of joy) from my previous clients
Recommended Reading
These are probably some of the best articles on the internet. Tbh, if you don’t have a life changing experience reading them, there is something wrong with you on a spiritual level.
Need some proof?
If you don’t believe I am as successfull as I say I am, firstly shame on you. Here’s the ultimate proof: Tweets.
I grew my agency from 0 to $150,000 per month in just 20 minutes, using only hustle, intense focus and a small investment of $150k from my parents.
— Jake (@jsvxc) June 2, 2023
I’m tired of reading fake stories on here to get likes.
Please stop exaggerating & be an honest, flawed but interesting human.
Anyway, gotta go back to my $200K per week fully automated SEO agency that I run from my solid gold speedboat 🚤
— Jake (@jsvxc) July 20, 2022
I don’t need links* to rank, just REALLY GOOD content.
*well apart from a few HARO roundups, 27 guest posts, couple of high DR links from the last 4 companies I worked at, some from friends blogs, oh & it’s built on an expired domain but apart from that, I have built ZERO links.
— Jake (@jsvxc) June 24, 2022
I’ve just purchased a bumbag. AMA
— Jake (@jsvxc) June 9, 2022
I’m 31 years old.
And I don’t run a $200M portfolio of businesses.
This is my daily routine: pic.twitter.com/4JABAfBOiZ
— Jake (@jsvxc) December 3, 2022
This blog is 100% AI generated…
… and it just keeps growing with literally no effort!
A few reasons for this:
* AI content is cheap & scalable
* SEO is on autopilot
* I’m lying pic.twitter.com/So94u3Q95n— Jake (@jsvxc) June 26, 2023
Sleep for 8 hours.
Work for 8 hours.
That’s only 11 hours out of 24.
You still have 18 hours to build a profitable biz, workout, master SEO, learn maths and walk backwards on the beach.
Time is not the issue.
— Jake (@jsvxc) November 25, 2022
If this tweet gets 672.3 likes I will reveal how I scaled organic traffic from zero to 5+ million!
(graph of proof below) pic.twitter.com/nZNoDoLfU9
— Jake (@jsvxc) July 21, 2022
Building a profitable content site is easy, all you’ve got to do is…
…keyword research, content creation, link building, website maintenance, accounting, project management, analytics, tech support, communications, learning & THE most important: share screenshots on Twitter.
— Jake (@jsvxc) June 15, 2022
Please note: This area of blank space exists because I commanded it to, NOT because I’ve messed around with CSS too much & can’t make it smaller.
Never worry about SEO again
(because I will either do nothing or tank your site)
What to expect when you work with me:
- An SEO audit that is too long to be useful
- A super-detailed 1-page competition analysis (cheers ChatGPT)
- High level SEO strategy to objectively productivate and dynamically communicate intuitive communities whilst also synergistically iterating effective architectures
- 42,724 backlinks, no more, no less.
- A Twix (pictured)
What very REAL people are saying about my SEO
Here is a graph for no particular reason:
FAQs
(that no person has ever asked me but I’m answering anyway)
How long does it take to see SEO results?
Results are instant! Just close your eyes and imagine your website at #1. That’s basically what I do.
Do you practice white hat or black hat SEO?
I don’t really wear hats tbh.
Can you help me recover from a Google penalty?
Sure, I’ll just ask Google nicely. We’re on a first-name basis. (The G in Google stands for “Greg”, by the way.)
What’s your stance on AI-generated content?
I prefer AU-generated content – Artificially Unintelligent content, handcrafted by yours truly.
What’s your approach to providing ethical link building that actually moves the needle for businesses?
Yes.
What’s your refund policy?
My what?
Does grammar matter in content marketing?
Yes! Grandma sends valauble trust signols to your audience + provides a positive user xperience.
How much does SEO cost?
SEO can vary greatly in price depending on how much upkeep my solid gold speedboat needs.
How does Google’s algorithm work?
As of 2025, not very well.
Did I mention I have a solid gold speedboat?*
…for making it this far + sorry for wasting your time
*I don’t actually have a solid gold speedboat; just a solid gold jet ski.